T-Mac Goes to China

Should we care that Tracy McGrady is taking his talents to China? 

AFTER 15 YEARS of failing to make it past the first round of every playoff game he ever played, T-Mac swallows his pride, accepts a measly $1M, and is now all set to follow the footsteps of Stephon Marbury -- to play in front of 3,000 peasants in windswept desert towns in central China and hopefully sell a lot of cheap sneakers.

T-Mac is moving to China not because he loves the Chinese people and is honored to play there. Nah, that's a load of BS on a cold plate. The fact of the matter is no NBA team has decided to take him on. He worked out for the Knicks and the Spurs over this summer but no deal was inked. Not even bottom-feeders like tbe Cavs and the Kings could be persuaded to add him to their roster. And, baby, when basement-dwelling NBA teams like the Cavaliers say no to you, it's time to pack your bags. And not necessarily to play in Europe either. Frequently, China is the last destination for washed-out NBA home-boys like T-Mac, Allen Iverson and Stephon Marbury.

Rare action: taking the ball to the rack was far
and between during T-Mac's years in Houston.

In his glory days with the Magic in early 2000, T-Mac averaged 32 points per game. In his wretched tenure with the Hawks last year, he only chalked 5 points per game. And based on this brain-numbing performance he wanted a guaranteed contract from  either the Spurs or the Knicks. No surprise both teams declined.

T-Mac is only 33 but he can no longer grab rebounds and run with the young guns today. Not that he ever was a great rebounder or a better defender. He was one of those guys you wanted when your team was winning but absolutely hated when your team was in the doldrums.

He was my favorite object of derision when he was with the Rockets playing with Yao Ming. I mean, think about it: here he was playing with Yao -- one of the tallest, most dominant centers in the NBA. And what did he do? He was throwing 3-pointers at every possession when he and Yao should have been crashing the boards. No knock to Yao but when your power-forward elected to shoot on the perimeter each time the ball was in his hands, no good thing could possibly come out of it.

AND SO I bid T-Mac adieu and hope he can sell a lot of sneakers in China. Let's not bother talking about basketball because this clearly was not a decision based on his purported talents on the hard-court. This was a business decision, pure and simple, and so should be viewed that way.

Heat snatches defeat from the jaws of victory

ALRIGHT, KIDS, ARE you ready? I am going to break down tonight's game, with or without Von Dacudao's (or Pablo Relampagos's) input. An interesting twist leading to tonight's game is Dirk's twisted middle finger. I know you sick perverted people are thinking all kinds of lewd things with that finger but let's focus on basketball and see how it impacts the Teuton's performance tonight.

Before we begin with the festivities, let's revisit Pablo's recent fight with the Arizona's finest one morning while he was touring with his family. As you know, Arizona has recently enacted one of the harshest immigration laws in the US: to wit, the police can and will stop you for any reason and ask for an identification to see if you are an illegal immigrant. So anyway, according to my spy, Pablo was stopped by the police.

COP: Sir, we are stopping you because we suspect you to be a Mexican illegal immigrant.

PABLO: You are wrong, I'm not Mexican; I'm a Filipino.

COP: What's your name, sir?

PABLO: Pablo --

COP: I'm sorry, sir, but you obviously are Mexican. Filipinos only have names like Boy and Jun.

PABLO: -- Relampagos --

COP: That sounds like a fake name, sir.

PABLO: -- the Fourth

COP: Even worse. Step out of the car, sir, and put your hands behind your back.

Thankfully Pablo proved his legality and was freed. Which brings me to my point: if your name is Pablo with a number after your last name you will be harassed by US authorities.

Okay, on to the game.

The more I look at JJ Barea the more I am convinced that he is over-rated. He stands 5'9" but looks considerably shorter because his legs are shorter than his upper body. And I don't care if you can run and dunk (see Nate Robinson), no short player (anyone under 6) can succeed in the NBA. You can be the most untalented center (and I'm looking at you, Erik Dampier) in the NBA and teams will happily throw money at you on the false assumption that you will bring them to the promised land. Shorties (see Earl Boykins), on the other hand, always end up playing somewhere in Europe or God forbid, China (see Stephon Marbury).

WELL THOSE WERE from last night before I got home. And of course we all know now how it all went down. But let's go back to the 7:13 mark on the 4th Quarter after Wade made that heart-stopping 3-point shot in front of the Mavs's bench. That shot just about made me upchuck my dinner. Dwayne drilled the shot and they were up 15. The party was on! Lebron and Dwayne were showboating, grinning from ear-to-ear and chest-bumping each other.

Timeout, Dallas.

When the game resumed an incredible thing happened: the Mavs clamped down on everyone and crashed the boards. You never saw anything like it. It seemed like Dirk told everyone at the break that he'd personally slit the throat any of his team-mate who wouldn't make an honest effort to snatch those rebounds. And it worked, hallelujah praise be to God! Even 39-yr old Jason Kidd was hopping on the boards like a man possessed.

But wait a minute: why were there defensive rebounds in the first place?

Because Miami stopped going to the paint!

With the Mavs clearly on the ropes, the Heat -- for reasons Pat Riley will take up with Erik Spoelstra today -- took its foot off the pedal.

Here's the blow-by-blow account:

6:30 ... Dwayne missed a 24-foot long jumper, 73-88 Miami.

5:50 ... Mario Chalmers missed a 25-foot long jumper, 75-88 Miami.

5:28 ... Lebron missed a layup, 77-88 Miami.

4:54 ... Chris Bosh (hello, Chris, where the hell you been?) missed a 21-foot jumper, 79-88 Miami.

2:20 ... Haslem missed a 15-foot jumper, 88-90 Miami.

1:31 ... Lebron missed a 3-point shot, 88-90 Miami. I was now delirious.

1:05 ... Lebron (again, wtf) missed a 3-point shot, 88-90 Miami. I was now screaming. My neighbor pounded my walls. Kids called 911.

0:57 ... Dirk made a layup, 90-90 ... Miami timeout ... the police surrounded my house.

0:36 ... Dwayne missed a 3-point shot, 90-90, more death noises from me ... the police called in the SWAT team.

0:26 ... Dirk made a 3-point shot, 93-90 Dallas ... Suzette and the kids scrambled out of the house.

0:24 ... Mario Chalmers (caught Jason Terry signing autographs while the game was on the line) made a 3-point shot, 93-93 tie.

0:03 ... Dirk -- he is Neo ... he is the One who will bring Mark Cuban to the Promised Land -- made a driving a lay-up (hello, Chris, wassup?) with his left hand -- the left hand oh Jesus! --, 95-93, Dallas. The SWAT team crashed through the windows.

0:01 ... Dwayne missed a 3-point shot! 95-93 Dallas.

0:00 ... Game over! Pandemonium broke out. Insanity ruled the house. The SWAT team and I hugged and kissed each other ... glory be to God in the highest ... and we all sat down and got shitfaced drunk.

What are the lessons to be learned here? One, never party while the game is still on (I'm talking to you Lebron); two, never trust your 3-point hero shot when clearly a dunk is called for (I'm talking to you Lebron); and three, will somebody please give Chris Bosh a bleepin kick in the butt for sleeping on the job (I'm talking to you Lebron).

And that, boys and girls, was how it went down. More on Game 3.

The Suns and Kobe's Destiny

I LOVE THE Suns. They are a high-energy team who run all night and never seem to tire. They have team chemistry. They love to share the ball. And they shoot a high-percentage of 3s. I'm not a big fan of 3-point shooting but I'm always a sucker for a team who passes the ball around in search of the best high-percentage shot. That's what the Suns are all about and I love them to death.

But still I seriously doubt they can beat the Lakers. Let me break it down for you:

Size Advantage In Pau Gasol and Andrew Bynum, you get two 7 footers who do not only have the length but also the size to wreak havoc on the low post. Who will the Suns match against Bynum? If Robin Lopez comes back from the injury list, it's gonna be him. But if he can't come back, who else is there? I'm guessing the 6'11" Jarron Collins. Never heard of him? The Suns neither. But Coach Alvin Gentry will be forced to use him.

Shooting 3s It may be news to you but the Lakers are not exactly slouch in the 3-point shooting department. In The Black Mamba, Derek Fisher and Jordan Farmar, you have three decent 3-point shooters who can go on a sudden devastating streak. Granted, these shooters are no match with the Suns if both teams decide to settle the issue with a 3-point shooting war. But if I were Phil Jackson, why would I do that? What I'm gonna do is to run the offense through Gasol and Bynum each time. If those two get into heavy traffic, they can always throw the ball out to the perimeter where Fisher is waiting to fire a three. If he misses there is Gasol again for the rebound throw-down. It's perfect. Run each offensive possession on the low post. It's boring basketball, sure, but it brings positive results. Screw Kobe and his destiny.

Defense The Suns this year are a much-tenacious defenders. You have Grant Hill who probably drinks blood and howls at the moon. He is the poster boy of hard work and dedication. I've never seen a 37-year old as dedicated on both offense and defense as this guy. Watching Grant sliced through 2 defenders is a pure joy. He is 37 but he is outrunning 27 year-olds on the break. (More on him later.) Then you have Louis Amundson. He stands only 6'9" but he might as well be a 7 footer. He can leap really high and is not easily rattled. Since he always hangs out near the rim, he almost always blocks a shot or grabs a loose ball for a put-back. Then you have Amare Stoudemire. The man is a much-better defensive threat this year for some reason. In Amare, you have a beast on the low-post who is totally unafraid to mix it up with the big boys. I always believe if Amare is not a basketball player he'd be a gangster breaking legs and jaws for a living. That's how scary this guy is. But wait a minute, what about the Lakers defense? Refer to Point #1. The Lakers defense will not only be handled by those two but by Ron Artest and Lamar Odom as well. Active hands plus size will bring the Suns a lot of problems. In Artest, you have a confirmed bruiser who welcomes physical contact.


Mental Games Phil Jackson is the undisputed king of psy-wars among NBA coaches. He plants seeds in the mind of his opponents and the refs right before a series start. Yesterday was a case in point. He declares in an interview that Steve Nash carries the ball. Now Nash has never been whistled before for traveling. But by Phil saying so, I'm betting the refs will now be looking for a traveling charge against Nash.

The Black Mamba Kobe thinks he is destined for greatness. Every move he makes on the court is calculated to advance the notion that he is greater than MJ. So when he drives to the basket among 3 defenders, or when he morphs into a "facilitator" and dishes assists to shooters, it's as a consequence of his belief that he is The Black Mamba. Now MJ never called himself "His Airness". Neither did Earvin Johnson refer to himself as "Magic." Those names were conferred upon them by members of the media and the public. Kobe's case is different; he was the one who started calling himself The Black Mamba. He has 5 championship rings so far. MJ has six. In the Mamba's mind, he is destined to break that record and come up with at least 7 before he retires. He therefore cannot allow the Suns to delay his date with destiny. §§§

A THUNDEROUS LOSS IN OKIE LAND

DURING A BREAK in the first quarter of Game 6 between the LA Lakers and the OKC Thunder, Coach Scott Brooks empathically told the young gunners "to attack the basket. Do not settle for jumpers." For reasons not entirely clear, the Okies did exactly the opposite: they launched jumpers from all points of the court foregoing the proven formula that served them well in Games 3 and 4.

So the result? They will go on summer vacation early.

There's plenty of blame to go around for the debacle. Let's begin with the man considered to be the latest incarnation of Michael Jordan: Kevin Durant. He shot an abysmal 5-for-23 from the field. On a night when his team was on the ropes, he came up miserably short. There were moments when he could have forced the issue and imposed his will on the Laker defenders but he didn't. What exactly was he thinking? He did't drive to the basket like he used to. He instead opted to go with awkward jumpers when he could have banged bodies with Pau Gasol on the low post.

Let's point our finger next to Russell Westbrook, the feisty point guard. He shot a nauseating 7-for-20 from the field and was 1-for-6 from the 3-point line. Did he, or didn't he listen to his coach at the break? He torched the Lakers in their blow-out wins in Games 3 & 4. Where was he on this critical night?

And let's not forget the much-heralded power forward Serge Ibaka. Sure, he shot 68% from the field but he only attempted 8 shots! Eight shots on a do-or-die situation is not gonna do it. Come on! He could have laid everything on the line and assaulted the boards. Sadly he didn't.

WHAT EXACTLY DID these players not get? Didn't they know that professional basketball is all about real estate? It's all about controlling tight spaces within the rectangular court. And which space is prime spot? You guessed it right, the area within 3 feet of the basket. If you shoot within that 3-feet arc, your chances are in the 80% percentile. If you roam the painted area and make all your attempts from it, your chances are still in the high 60%. Conversely, the farther you are from that area, the lousier your chances are.

What about the 3-point shot? What about it? In the hands of an artist, it's a beautiful thing to watch. But in the hands of an inept forward, it is pure torture. Many strive to be Reggie Miller and most of them fail. Why? Because it's an art, bobo. Not everyone can be an artist. Three-point shooting should be used sparingly at best. Teams should never used it as a primary offensive weapon.

So what should this team do in the off-season? I will address my answer to the brain-trust at Oklahoma:

1. Do not trade anyone away. This is a young team, yes, but it doesn't need tinkering with "veterans". By this time around next year they will have become young veterans themselves. Do not ruin their cohesion by bringing in a deadbeat like Rasheed Wallace with a massive contract to boot. Preserve the team.

2. Teach Footwork 101. Get every small and power forward to learn how to pivot on their heels. Footwork is an incalculable skill that should be chiseled into their young brain this summer. A beautiful footwork among your bigs not only increases their point-average but it also lessens their chances of injuries. Just look at the klutz Greg Oden who has no footwork whatsoever. Preserve your assets.

3. Run and run. Then run some more. By leaving everyone in the dust at every possession, your chances of making an uncontested lay-up or dunk improves immeasurably. Preserve your gains.

4. Lastly, send me a $50,000 checque for the advice. Preserve my wisdom.

BIG TROUBLE IN LA-LA LAND

AT A TIME when the Lakers ought to be thinking about their next opponent, they are now only thinking on how to survive the series against the upstart Oklahoma Thunder.

There are so many questions, so few answers.

Let's deal with the front court first. Andrew Bynum and Pau Gasol are both 7 footers while Lamar Odom is 6'10". With these three behemoths guarding the rim, it shouldn't be a problem swatting the ball from those pesky Okies, right? Wrong. Not only are the young gunners attacking the rim with reckless abandon. They are also blocking shots in the paint like shot-blocking will be outlawed next season.

So why are the Laker giants not getting it done?

Answer: On defense, they plod and are slow on the switch. On offense, the back-court players are throwing bricks from way out. With two reliable dunkers like Bynum and Gasol, the ball should be consistently played in the paint, right? Wrong again. Jordan Farmar, a guard who never sees a bad shot if it bites him, keeps on hoisting ill-considered 3s he puts Antoine Walker (remember 'Toine?) to shame. Not be outdone, Ron Artest (hired specifically to play defense), puts on a nauseating 12-for-40 streak beyond the arc. With the rock clanging off the rim with numbing regularity, the happy Okies are having a field day grabbing the rebounds. Since the Thunder are young turks (their average age is only 25) who love to sprint all night long — hell, they will run all year-long if allowed — the ensuing fastbreaks on the other end turn into a nightmare. Here both Bynum and Gasol are in agreement as to why they are not grabbing those loose balls. They can't. The ball is bouncing so far away from the rim that it's physically impossible for them to grab it. "Too many," Gasol ruefully shook his head when asked after Game 3, "too many jumpers."

Now let's peek under the hood on the Lakers back-court. We have the indefatigable Derek Fisher and The Man Himself, Kobe Bryant. Derek, to his credit, is a tireless no-nonsense player who is nothing but reliable in tight situations. But Derek is 35 and can no longer race sprints with the feisty Okies. Russell Westbrook and James Harden are literally running Fisher to the ground with constant movement. What about The Man? Kobe, sadly, has aged in the last several weeks. His shots are simply not there. With his drives to the basket perpetually blocked by a phalanx of active hands, Kobe has opted to go with his hero-making 3s. As of Game 4, he is 9-for-22 on the 3s and is clearly the culprit if Phil Jackson's heart suddenly seizes.

When all is said and done, the Lakers are not going to repeat this year. In the off-season last year, the brain trust decided to part with 24-yr old Trevor Ariza (who played a very important role in rebounds and points-in-the paint for their championship run that year) and sign on 30-yr old Ron Artest. Many Laker old-timers questioned the decision but Mitch Kupchak, the Lakers GM, ignored common sense and brought in Ron Artest. And upon such small things is the reason why dynasties inevitably crumble. Mitch thought they needed Ron's alleged defensive prowess. So far, Ron-ron has absolutely done nothing to stop the Kevin Durant juggernaut. In fact, he is a contributor as to why the Lakers are in the hole: he loves 3Js too much he is making Phil rethink his Zen philosophy of non-violence. §§§